Feels kinda weird, waking up on Martin Luther King Day, celebrating a guy whose dreams came to pass, while praying fervently that the dream I had does not come to pass. What manner of confusion is this???!! Sometimes I remember my dreams, sometimes I don't. This particular one, I remember very vividly and it scares me.
In the dream, I was pregnant and I went for an ultrasound that showed I was expecting twins. A boy and a girl. I wasn't upset, like I would be in real life if I found out that I was pregnant now. I was smiling and rubbing my huge round tummy, excited about it all and making a joke about how I said I didn't want any more kids and God laughed at me and gave me two.
I'm not smiling at all right now!!
This is not a joking matter and I need to put it out there, so the universe hears me!
I DON"T WANT ANY MORE BABIES! PLEASE!!
If you like, laugh at me. God is watching you in 3D.
I want all those babies for everyone who is believing God for children, just not for me. I'm done!
Babies are great. I consider my children to be my biggest blessings and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I often think about how different my life would be without the responsibility of caring for Nathan, Alexis and David, and every single time, the organized chaos that my life has become wins. Everything I have had to give up pales in comparison to these blessings, especially because money cannot buy them. They are gifts and I consider myself privileged to be a co-creator with God, birthing not just one or two, but three amazing and beautiful children.
It gets overwhelming
sometimes a lot of the time. I often think about renting them out, or donating them to charity, just so I can catch a break. They are my greatest stressors, simultaneously delighting and bugging my life. Just when I think they are settled in for the night and we can finally get some Daddy and Mummy time, one of them cries/ wants a drink of water/ has a tummy ache/ can't sleep/ wants a hug/ comes up with some other random reason to remind us that they run things in our home. One time, we had put them to bed and were watching a movie downstairs. Imagine my surprise, finding Alexis fast asleep on the stairs on my way to bed at midnight. I quickly took a picture before I carried her back to her bed. I have proof if she attempts to deny in future and you all are my witnesses :)
There may be some Superhero mums who never get exhausted, are always smiling as they change diapers and are perfectly satisfied with their non-existent sex lives, but I am not one of them. I used to feel guilty about the negative emotions that I felt and I would never even admit them. I'm so over that. I've learned to acknowledge that those emotions are legitimate and they do not make me a bad mum. They make me human.
I've done my part of that "Be fruitful and multiply" scripture. I'm on the "Have dominion" part right now. Tonight, I'm dreaming another dream. There ain't no pregnancy making it into that one for sure! Amen!
Thanks for coming by again and again.
May your dreams come true!