Sunday, May 6, 2012

Divorce or Death? Choose.

10:47pm. 5/5/12


My head hurts. My heart too. 


I caught this story on TV as I was prepping the munchkins for bedToday, 5/5/12 is the three year anniversary of the murder of Sheri Coleman and her two sons, Garett and Gavin. Chris Coleman, husband and father of the deceased, was found guilty of the triple murder exactly a year ago. You can read the full story here. It's long, so I'll break it down.


Chris, 32, had been married to 31 year old Sheri for 12 years. They met when they were both in the military and she had become a stay at home mom. He worked as head of security for Joyce Meyer ministries and had reported to the police that he had started to get death threats to his family from unknown persons, asking him to "tell Joyce to stop preaching the bull" or get killed.


Turns out he had been having an affair with Tara, his wife's best friend from high school, for about 6 months. He had been flying her to meet him at various locations where he was working for Joyce Meyer. They had accounts and credit cards together, planned wedding dates  and had picked out names for their yet to be conceived daughter. He had told Tara that he was serving divorce papers to Sheri on May 5th, the day the murders occurred. They had been sexting and he had promised Tara he would leave Sheri for her. When asked in court if they had been planning to get married, Tara replied, "The divorce had to happen first". She had been putting pressure on him to end his marriage.


Sheri found out about the affair. She showed her friend pictures of Tara, telling her in tears that if anything ever happened to her, "Chris did it". He had asked her for a divorce and threatened her, but Sheri wouldn't let him go. They were going for counselling, but he would put up an act in front of the counselor and flip on her when they were alone, telling her he never loved her and never should have married her. He couldn't initiate the divorce because it could cost him his job. In a video deposition, Joyce Meyer confirmed this. "If he would have been having an adulterous affair, while he was still married, then it could have definitely affected his job," said Meyer. 


On the outside, they looked perfect. Their neighbor said "I always thought of them as the American family, the perfect family". According to this report, on the night before he killed his wife and kids, "Chris Coleman went to the gym and came home to put the boys to bed. They brushed their teeth and said their prayers. he watched a movie downstairs with Sheri. She fell asleep in his arms. Chris Coleman was also texting his girlfriend that night, while he was at the gym and even as he was in the same room with his wife"


He was trapped. He wanted out, his wife wouldn't set him free. His mistress had given him an ultimatum, so he put a plan in place, sending emails to himself to make it seem like someone was planning to hurt his family, getting the police to set up cameras and sneaking in to strangle her with a cord and killing his sons as well just so he could be free. In a recent interview from prison, he insists that he is innocent. He said he was having the affair because he wasn't "getting what I thought I...should be getting at home...from the physical side of things". 
Read more here: http://www.bnd.com/2011/04/27/1685887/colemans-had-dinner-watched-movie.html#storylink=cpy


Hmmm...
As usual, I started to look for the lessons in this story and it threw up a lot of questions. Thankfully, (and I say this with immense gratitude to God because I know it is not because I am good or smart or holy) I am not in this situation. But I know people who are. Smiling, answering "fine, we thank God" or "it is well" when asked "how are you?". Women (and men, believe it or not) with spouses who would rather not be with them and have expressed this either directly, or indirectly by acting in a manner that suggests so.


I am writing this post not because I have answers, but I know there is a wealth of knowledge you, reading this right now can bring to the table.


Is a spouse required to stay?


Personally, I have made God's word the final authority over my life, so that's where I went first. God hates divorce. I do not like it too for several reasons. 


Having divorce as an option has been said to greatly reduce the chances of a marriage being successful. We are more likely to make plan A work when we hit a bump in the road without a plan B. Also, divorce hurts children. I know many well balanced people that are products of marriages that ended in divorce, but I know that divorce leaves its scars. There's also our culture. I am Nigerian and generally, women are seen as failures when their marriages do not succeed. It is common to hear that a woman did not "keep her home". I have never heard a man being spoken about like that.


This is why I really need your help. What is a woman to do if her husband does not want her anymore. What if it just isn't working? In this case, we don't know if he abused her physically, but he abused her emotionally. He told her "I don't love you anymore". Was her decision to hold on to him because she didn't have options, being a stay at home mum and all... Question questions and more questions.

*sigh* It's 11:59 and I'm still here... I need to go. The Hubs is waiting up for me. I don't know if I have expressed what's on my heart well, but my hope is that maybe, just maybe, someone would read it and be saved from Sheri's fate.

I really should go over it for typos though...

Okay, It's now 1:43am and I'm still not done. Three hours... Longest post I've ever written (I think).

Please be kind enough to share your thoughts. Feel free to be anonymous if you want to share personal stuff. 

Thanks for always stopping by.
May your dreams come true
xoxo

48 comments:

  1. Wow! I don't have any advice. I'll just watch & learn. Thank you for this topic. I don't wanna die o!

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  2. There are no rules to this thing, every case is different however with the increase in abuse/battery and murders in marriages, there's so much to be scared off.

    IMO, every woman should have a source of income no matter how little, being financial independeNt means u can leave if u begin to feel ur life is being threatened.

    UnfortunatEly, women are wired to keep trying hoping they can make things better especially where children are involved. I guess its wise to leave so u can live and more importantly everyone who's single must pay attention to every red flag before signing the dotted lines!

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  3. I'm sorry but religious concerns about marriage are rubbish.

    Divorce is ALWAYS an option.

    Divorce should ALWAYS be an option.

    And divorce is an option that tou should not hesitate to take if necessary.

    For all the claims that God hates divorce, God is also probably never going to be married to some man.

    God is also probably never going to get beaten up or abused by his husband or something.

    And even if that happened, UNLIKE YOU God is a GOD and most likely will not die from it.

    You on the otjer hand are very capable of dying from an abusive husband so please people can like to shelve their 'God hates divorce' bullshit at the door,

    Your one and only life will always be more precious and important than any dirty man, any dirty marriage, and dirty religion kukuma, and any dirty society or country and their dirty opinions.

    Why some Nigerian women son't know this and continue to throw away their lives in the name or marriage because they are afraid of divorce is beyond me.

    Divorce is your friend!

    Divorce is there to save your life when marriage is trying to kill tou!

    After you divorce you can kuku get married again if you want. At least divorcees are STILL ALIVE .... Unlike some "Married Women"

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    Replies
    1. lol Sugabelly...I agree with you, but you are so angry!

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  4. My sister, "timely" best describes this piece (and the tweets that informed me of it), at least for me.

    I too have made the Word of God the final authority over my life, and I have also recently begun to question my beliefs where divorce is concerned.

    My beloved brother has been trapped in a marriage that should never have been, for over a decade. Initially when he opened up to me my mouth was sharp, I could not deviate from my "Word only stance". "Unless she's unfaithful to you", I said, "you have no grounds to divorce her." And of course he had remained in the marriage because of the Word, trying and trying everything he knows to make it work.

    Needless to say, it's been 2 years since he opened up to me, and I'm no longer so sure. Maybe because I'm now married, I understand the implications of the emotional neglect and abuse he has been going through, why he's looking dead even though he's alive. The more she tortures him mentally and starves him emotionally, and the more I realise people may never believe what she's capable of, the more I ask myself if a God who loves him even more than I do will really allow him to roast there forever- because the Bible says divorce is not allowed. Was that really the Spirit behind those words? THE LETTER KILLS- it is the SPIRIT that gives LIFE.

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  5. First off, let me say that i HATE how they make it seem like it is her fault that he killed her. He wanted a divorce but was still living in the house? Nigger please! What happened to moving out and then serving out the divorce papers? Abi Joyce Meyer specifically said you must live with your wife till the day you divorce her? He just wanted to have his cake and have it. Whatever the case, killing his wife AND 2 kids automatically puts him in no place to be telling tales.

    Onto the woman, what's done is done but i just want to thank God for my African roots that will never let me be a full time housewife, solely dependent on my husband. No woman, heck, nobody should ever put themselves in a situation where they depend completely on another person for finances. Even if it is tomatoes or groundnut, sell something, do something! you don't have to be the one selling it directly, how will God bless the "work" of your hands if you're not working?

    God loves us and as much as the bible speaks against divorce, it doesn't say we should stay and let someone treat us like slaves.

    If i remember correctly, it also says if you get married to another person while your spouse is still alive then you will be committing adultery. So, not to lead anyone astray but if you need a bible reference before leaving a destructive marriage then that is the closest i can find - you can leave, just don't remarry while the person is alive. If you now decide to kill the person because you want to 'legally' knack the akpako na you get yourself. Our relationships with God are different and i believe that He will show anyone the way who cares to listen.

    Religious concerns about marriage are not rubbish! God is gracious, God is merciful, God loves us and after all that has been heard, read, said and done I will pick divorce over death anyday.

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  6. my stance is somewhere between Dosh and Sugabelly.

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  7. wOW, INTENSE. I hate it when pple kill their family members because of anything job or money issues. No one has the right to snatch the destiny from anyone. The innocent children with bright future just gone like that.. NOT FAIR.

    I also think is the mistress actually "happy"?? is she content NOW. Cos that says alot about a man that is not only willing to leave his wife that depends on him at all levels and innocent children but willing to actually KILL THEM to be with his mistress. ARE U KIDDING ME. I suppose he had his reasons sha and to him it made perfect sense.

    Regarding marriage and divorce and God. Lets be fair "both pple in the marriage know the foundation they created and the issues they had and overlooked during dating and what is currently present in their marriage".
    I dont believe in faking anything to be honest, I'd rather let that person go and PRAY to GOD for a turn AROUND.

    But to be fair, there are some marriages I personally believe it is not. MARRIAGE happens from the heart, soul, spirit and mind and that takes alot commitment. RING and wedding ceremonies are just part of the parade not necessarily the real THING.

    FOR ME, I am not in for divorce but am not in for it TO DIE or to be punished(I HAVE ALOT IN ME TO ACCOMPLISH sooo). LET NOT GET IT WRONG, GOD HATING divorce does not mean he will not say GET OUT OF A DEAD, ABUSIVE MARRIAGE. (FOR ME it means, because HE HATES DIVORCE, people should get it RIGHT FROM THE GET GO (MARRIAGE IS A SERIOUS AFFAIR and for this reason you have to stand your ground and know for sure this is it for you)... I believe that MARRIAGE affects everyone in it and therefore, counselling, preparation etc is needed and even with that couples have to navigate their way through.

    For me (am not getting married to be tied down or to please SOCIETY). It is so much more for me and its deeper, and that is why I personally commit this aspect strongly in Gods hands now.

    I like to think and believe I WILL BE WITH THE RIGHT PERSON and it will work out. I dont know what will happen in 12 years down the line but if I NOTICE signs in our courtship that I PERSONALLY am convicted within me I cant tolerate and sustain multiply the current issue by 10 ABEG WILL COMMOT ohh(with prayer and grace, its not by force).

    We learn everyday and anybody can be a victim. My prayer is for every marriage that has its ups and downs, God will enlighten the individuals and help them.

    I pray the purpose behind marriage is understood by both genders and different age.

    I also pray that the marriage that are thriving hard is covered with the blood of JESUS and protected from the wiles ways of the evil ones.

    LASTLY, I pray for godly wisdom upon the church, the leaders and the people.

    AMEN.

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  8. i watched the story and myself and my husband were so pissed. I can understand why she wanted to stay. maybe she felt they could work things out and she probably really loved him. but to the point of knowing he could have hurt her, then she shud have ran. The husband wanted his 100k+ job thts why he didn't want to divorce her. Talk about eating his cake and having it. Well, I'm glad he was caught but I don't understand why anyone would do that. If you see the lovely pictures, his lovely sons and wife, kai. Talk about pre-meditated murder. anyway, i also dont understand why joyce meyer didnt probe more. I love her but she should always have time for her inner caucus to know whats going on in their lives. It's good to reach the world but if u neglect the people around you then u've not done very well in my opinion. Anyway i refrain from judging but to answer the question, the woman did not want to make divorce her option thats why she was killed. I dont believe it was because she had nothing or no where else to go. It was just her choice. I personally wouldn't make divorce an option so that I won't have it in mind for any small argument or quarrel (i mean, i liken marriage to our relationship with God. He doesn't want us to leave (divorce) him that is why he gave that command. Afterall he created the marriage institution)but if I see that my life is in danger, i would definitely consider a separation. After all said and done and with time if the guy no gree, then i'll prob agree to it. Then i would know I had done all necessary. Anyway thts me. Everyone to their opinion.i also like dosh's opinion

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  9. It's rather sad

    One of the main issues is that people enter into marriage with the notion that all will be rosy at all times...the words patient, comprise, etc are foreign to them

    Our society also encourages options and this notion of "independence" we need people to make it through this world but we are taught that "we can do all bad by ourselves"

    The bible says that a wise woman builds her home while a foolish woman tears hers down...so a woman plays a huge role in her marriage, the husband is the head and others describe a wife as the neck, if the neck is broken, the head can't move...so we as women have a large role to play but at times we fail to realize that we can't and are not anything without God...

    In this case, I respect her for staying and trying to work things out...maybe she didn't have other options or maybe she really loved him...only God knows

    It's rather unfortunate that MANY people are unhappily married, it crushes my heart...especially when it comes to the issue of sex...the devil is a fool and he's destroying lives...discouraging some married couples to have a horrible sex lives and enjoying singles to give themselves away freely...

    Anywho, it's the end times...May God help us o!!

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  10. Divorce...
    I personally don't like Divorce for many reasons but I do not believe someone should be killed because he/she is not willing to grant his/her spouse a divorce.

    Yes, The Bible teaches us against divorce, but the same Bible says "my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge" i'ld rather be divorced and alive than dead and still married to someone.

    May we never find ourselves in such a situation.

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  11. It’s a sad story really, and at the root of it, beyond religion and the views of our society, pride is also one reason why we women refuse to consider separation, even when our lives are threatened. We hate to accept that our marriages have failed; we seem to think, “If he wants to leave me, then maybe I didn’t love him right” or “I’m less of a woman if I can’t learn how to keep my man”.

    It’s about time we begin to understand that it might not be our fault. I used to think them weak, women who stay at the receiving end of these brutalities, now, I don’t judge anymore. I have held hands and cried with an abused woman, I have watched her try to make it work time and time again, I have accepted her anger for suggesting she moves away, even if for a brief period, I have watched her come to accept reality, I have watched her rebuild her life, hustling to earn a living for herself, while being abused for it, and I have seen her empty eyes as she finally left home with her kids.

    She’s still a shell of her former self, but where there is life, there is always hope.

    Some are not as lucky, and like Sherri, lose their lives before they get the chance to accept reality. Is Sherri a fool? I don’t believe so, it’s easier to “walk away” when we are not the ones in that marriage (talk is cheap”, all I’d say is please women, be open and honest with your friends and family, and please family and friends, be willing to protect your loved ones and learn to draw the line between dogmatism and true faith. Walking away isn’t easy but yes, I believe in some situations, it is a necessity.

    So sorry for the length of my response 

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  12. hmmmmm..such a sad story....:(

    So yes God hates divorce like he hates every other sin...and we all commit sin everyday. Besides, I think with every sin especially when it comes to relationships cheating, divorce, abuse...it is we humans that feel the consequences and not God, so it is for our sake he says "Thou shall not", not his sake.

    Let us face it many marriages have ended but the people involved are still in it to save face because of what society will say or because of pride or because they are financial dependent on each other....so what are we talking really??

    Where there is life there is hope, so even if a person does not want to go the divorce route, the separation route is available in case there is a change of heart on the other part..but remember God has given us all a free WILL and you cannot force someone to love you. If the man says he does not want to do again even God cannot force him.

    At the end of the day I ask myself will a divorcee who loves Jesus and is born again go to hell?...will being divorced cause him/her salvation or their entry to heaven?? I think not..so divorce could be an option albeit not a light option..but in cases like Sherri's...

    Like Dosh said...a person can divorce but not remarry...I don't think God sef will like a person to be unfulfilled in a bad marriage.

    What do I know...all the above na theory and I never hope to experience the possibility of a divorce...

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  13. See how much we missed you! look at all these lengthy well thought out comments you generated. I am currenty single and am not in a position to speak on behalf of why women stay in abusive relationships. However I once heard a woman speak at a church I attended on the matter. Her theory was that Marriage makes individuals become one. She suggested that the marriage was not the wedding but the intimacy(sex) that marries/unifies the two. She indicated that semen contains the mans DNA that is absorbed by the woman. This she suggested is how the oneness physically occurs. So the woman in essence finds it hard to leave what she became tied to. The man on the other hand does not absorbe DNA from the woman during this process. Anyway this lady shared some interesting perspectives that I never heard before and was quite interesting. I cant remember all.

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  14. This is tutorial right here.

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  15. Many other comments have spoken my mind. A marriage as God ordained it has ended when one party says that his love is dead either by words or actions. Divorce is just legalese in such a scenario, and should be an option even for Christians. Even if they don't want to sign the papers, just leave.

    In this sad story, if she had given him the divorce, maybe her life and her little sons would have been saved.

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  16. Thank you so much for taking time out to leave comments. I'm grateful. Very grateful.

    I have refrained from replying comments because this is not a debate. I want to learn and your comments have opened my eyes. I also hope this information helps others. That's the whole point of this post.

    Apparently, blogger is not letting some people post. Someone tweeted her comments at me and with her permission, I'll go ahead and copy and paste her tweets.

    The next comment is posted by me on behalf of @Yamisoya

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  17. Comment by @Yamisoya via twitter

    @gbemisoke good morning, just read ur post. Can't drop a comment cos blogger is foolish but anyhoo, I think ppl shld always av an option. being divorced doesn't mean d end of one's life. Many ppl get widowed and they learn to cope. It means losing a partner.

    I never understand why men or women go thru physical or emotional abuse in a bid to stay in something that isn't working. Happiness is what counts. Better to be unhappy alone than for sm1 to be the constant source of unhappiness. Y torture yourself?

    Divorce doesn't mean 1 is a failure. Human relationships are complex. Sometimes it's forever, sometimes it's not. But placing ur on 1 person solely (or more like what society says) is a sure banker for unhappiness & depression.

    Also, it is important to read holy books in context. God might hate divorce but He loves us. Wen sm1 makes the life He gave u worthless then choose Him b4 any1 Tthe bible says many things which many christians don't listen to, incl d fact that women r supposed to keep silent in church. Now we av female pastors, why are u not so quick to bring out the Bible to stop such a "menace". Cos we av evolved. Death is d end.

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  18. This one is by @lanrenezer via BB messanger.

    I read ur blog, but somehow I couldn't leave my comment. Well, I know God hates divorce but in a life threatening situation, I would opt 4 "Separation". Though it wld most certain lead 2 divorce on d long run if either of d parties decide 2 start a new family. It is essential 2 dissolve d 1st marriage b4 embarking on a new one

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  19. did a research on the story again. A high school friend ohh was doing fiddling with their marriage. CHAI.... this life.

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  20. Hmmm...it's so unfortunate she died all in the name of love. I strongly blve what the bible says about "Divorce", and also the same bible says "wisdom" is profitable to direct. The woman would have opted for a seperation and still be alive. Who knows she might never have heard of "single parent" In summary, "Wisdom is profitable to direct...

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  21. Nice Anon: Divorce IS an option albeit the last resort. The I've tried everything humanely possible and still it isn't working option.

    I like to think that I'm a happy person and I always strive to be happy/ easy going. I expect that even with all the challenges life will throw my way as a married woman; I want to be happy. I will choose to make this life that God has blessed me with a joyous one.

    I will not stay in a marriage to save face. I will not stay with a man if he explicitly tells me that he doesn't want me anymore. I'll not lose who I am because I'm someone's wife. Whilst I can't speak for this poor woman but I wholeheartedly believe that you can't force someone to wanna be with you. You can't force them to wanna make the effort or to work hard to keep the marriage going which is why if I'm married for 20years and my husband still loves and adores me then I thank God for that. We as human beings can only do our best and leave the rest to God. My prayer(s) for me and others is for God's grace to be sufficient enough for us all.

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  22. If my husband wants a divorce because he claims to no longer love me, I would swallow my pride (given the hurt I would feel) and ask him to consider bible-based couples' counselling with me so we can work on our relationship. I would also pray that God would mend our relationship and restore our love for one another (because I'm sure my feelings for him will be somehow in reaction to feeling unwanted by him!). If he is adamant that he is through with me, I will grant him the divorce. You cannot force someone to remain with you, and if you manage to, it will be for all the wrong reasons.

    1 Corinthians 7:9 says that it's better to marry than to burn with passion. I'm hoping that means that if as a divorcée I were to be given a second chance at marriage with a God-fearing man in the future, it would not be a sin to pursue it. Does it matter if you're a divorcée due to someone else's decision?

    Also, some people are saying separation could be a solution: what if the other party wants a divorce because they want to be free to marry someone else? I would never suggest divorce but I imagine in most cases the motivation to be free is to they can pursue another relationship. I don't think most other women would be ok with their man saying "We can be together but I refuse to divorce my first wife".

    Ok, so I have left more questions than helpful comments...ma binu o!

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  23. Divorce or death?

    My dear sistah, i will pick up my slippers and run as fast as mary onyali out of his life!

    WETIN???...gosh! am so annoyed right now...he served her divorced papers and found out about his affair with her best friend, it is BETRAYAL!...should HAVE LET HIM GO, to his b****! Esp in a system that favours women and children more, unlike here in 9ja.

    I pray their souls rest in peace and as for the man and mistress...i reserve my comments, because they are so foul!
    JEEZ!...so angryyy.

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  24. Yes, GOD hates divorce, so i was taught but in the book of DEUTERONOMY chapter 24 vs 1-4, it says:
    Suppose a man marries a woman and later decides that he does not want her, because he finds something about her that he does not like, so he writes out divorce papers, gives them to her, and sends her away from his home...read the rest please.

    When death is involved, PLEASE women should FLEE! Love ni, Love ko!

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  25. Divorce or Death? I choose divorce & life. Shikena

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  26. Blessings.....
    I can say so much here but you know the only thing keep coming to my mind is my post called LET IT GO and so that is what i will copy and paste here....because i feel it is so appropriate...

    When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us, for had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

    People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. It doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. You’ve got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.

    I believe in "the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye." 'The Battle is the Lord's!'

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    Replies
    1. Errrm this is not your post. Its an excerpt of TD Jakes message and its all over the internet. Its the part one of a four part series message he preached about 10 years ago. This part one was titled Nothing Just Happens. Always acknowledge originality pls. Thanks

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    2. Nice Anon: LOL! Plagiarism ontop response ke? Lmaoooooooo! Too funny seriously.

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  27. i have always maintained the opinion that one shldnt die in marriage............ but then again............... thank God my mum stayed for the sake of us her kids #sacrifice

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    1. Your reply is very selfish. Your Mum stayed in a bad marriage, thereby committing herself to a perpetual life of unhappiness, right? So long as you turned out alright. Do you know what it cost her to stay? After you have all left to build your homes, have you thought of what would happen to her?

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  28. I think Sheri was totally blindsided. If she knew he hated her enough to kill her and her kids, I'm sure for the sake of her kids she would have fled with them. The man is pure and simply evil! Smh. So sad.

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  29. Divorce IS AN OPTION. IT IS A VERY VIABLE OPTION. Seriously? Divorce or death? I would think that was a no-brainier. Maybe you are not permitted to marry afterwards as a Christian, but it is very permissible.

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  30. Sisters please lets love our lives, avoid the monsters, if married to one, pls leave him first, if you care, then pray from a distance for God to miraculously change him.

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  31. Very sad story.... Chris Coleman is a wicked man, he obviously wants to eat his cake and have it. Hope he remains in jail for a very looooong time.

    I agree with separation when a couple realize the relationship isn't working. They should take time apart to discover if they want the marriage to continue.

    Thanks so much for sharing this.

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  32. Hi Gbemisoke,

    You have been nominated for the Liebster award. Please check my blog for details.

    Thank you

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  33. I have read these comments over and over again and I'm working on a round up. I really appreciate your taking time out to leave this comments and I hope and pray that God will give us all the wisdom we need to make decisions that would make, rather than break us.

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  34. sad story ...I made a comment on Myne it is just controversial but I appreciate you for sharing

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  35. Divorce IS an option
    I dont think we should use the bible as a reason to tolerate violence or abuse from a spouse
    If I had a daughter and the husband was disrespecting her or abusing her...How would I tell her to stay?
    How would I live with myself if she was killed?

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  36. Nefertiti: He's told you expressly that he doesn't love you. What, you need tongues of fire to fall like the day of Pentecost before you leave am? I love Jesus, but I'm not putting my life or emotional well being at risk for nada (I realize this sounds VERY selfish). I will cry, it will hurt but trust I'll make it.
    I have a friend who doesn't speak with me anymore because I suggested she haul azz out the marriage when her MIL and husband beat her up... She said "Ki la ti'n gbo?" I'm getting heated thinking about this...

    Long and short of the story is if the man no want you again, leave am abeg!

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  37. I acknowledge that divorce has been abused by many. It makes couples too mentally and emotionally lazy to put that extra effort into keeping a marriage together etc.
    But i matters of abuse, adultery, neglect, divorce should be an option.
    When you ask divorce or death, its like asking "choose life or death"

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  38. I tagged u! check out my blog

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  39. In the matters of abuse and unrequited love, divorcé simply answers the question. When a river refuses to flow, the boat must move on.

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  40. gbemisoke, gbemidide, familowo soke,, kin ga ju aye lo... gbobogo aye mi, je ki oyo ja de.familowo soke JESU ma je ko pe.

    lol.. thats me attempting a nice song in yoruba that has your name in it. Each time I see ur name the song comes to mind. How are u?long time. thot I check on u. xxxx Rgrds to the beautiful fam. God bless u.

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  41. I listened to the topic Asking God to save your marriage 1 & 2 yesterday on focus on the family broadcast. Go to http://www.focusonthefamily.com and search for "asking God to save your marriage". Listen to part 1 & 2.

    I personally do not have any comment but I think we all can learn a thing or two from that broadcast.

    They have several other broadcasts you can learn a great deal from, they have really blessed my life so I thought I should share

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  42. Marriage should be a haven, like NIL puts it, 'an oasis'. It should be a source of strength and rejuvenation for you. Your house should be where you find peace and solace, not where you are turned into a punching bag or an emotional trash can.

    God does not want us to divorce, but God does not want us to live in fear and unhappiness for ever, either. If you feel that your marriage is getting in the way of living out God's plan for you, get out!!!

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